Don't get me wrong....

I think modern medicine is GREAT, the way they can save your life these days! ...but that doesn't mean I don't have my fair share of complaints, and you're about to get an eye-full.

I'm back on heparin, the anticoagulant wonder-drug, simply as a precautionary measure after having a blood clot last pregnancy. Out of curiosity, I asked the doctor what the remedy was for blood clots back before pharmaceuticals saved the day, and she said you were either crippled from the pain (I'd believe it!) or you died. SOOOOO... thanks for the heparin, Modern Medicine! But NO THANKS for the bill, ya jerks. I went to get my measly 24-day prescription filled, and it was to the tune of $430!!! This was like reliving the Walgreens moment from 2007 (the day I got out of the hospital from The Clot) when I went to get my prescription for Lovenox filled, and THAT puppy cost us $50 a shot, at 2 shots a day! Add that to the cost of getting your jaw re-wired to your face after it crashed to the floor, and you're looking at one GIANT medical bill!! Fortunately, in both instances, insurance held out its mighty hand and simply required a co-pay and a then reimbursed our life savings. At least I THINK (I HOPE) that's what's happening this time - I filled half my already measly prescription so I only (only!!) paid $200 (for 12 days!) and meanwhile I'm waiting for the doctor's office to call our insurance to pre-authorize heparin for me, which should take care of everything but the co-pay. I HOPE.

Try not to get a blood clot, as the cost of curing it will surely kill you.

ANYWAY, as if the hit to the wallet didn't hurt already, the hits to my hips are already starting to! I have to give myself shots twice a day (I NEVER thought I would be able to do this, I can't even watch when the doctor gives me shots and paper cuts make me queasy - seriously. But here I am), on my left hip in the morning and my right hip at night, and they are really hurting already! I doubt I would really notice except that Patrick sits on those very same hips in the very same spots, and he's really getting quite heavy. They tell you to give yourself the shots in a fatty place, like your love handles, so I feel no regrets in my extra servings at dinner (and lunch and breakfast) because it's padding me with helpful fat. There is more "stuffing" to grab, so I feel those terrible needle-pokes less, and there's also more surface area for poking! If people think girls show more quickly the second time around, they should see what girls look like the second time around when they're TRYING to up the fluff! OK, I'm not really trying to get fat, but I'm not exactly doing crunches while my lean-cuisine nukes in the microwave.

How could such a little thing be so darn awfulawfulawful???

So if you see me, tell me I'm looking fabulous and give me a pat on the back, but steer clear of the love handles! And don't talk to me if I'm at Walgreens, I'm probably in a bad mood.