Friday, March 1, 2013

You pinned THAT?

Let's talk Pinterest for a second here. I thoroughly enjoy Pinterest. Enjoy, not love. Let me tell you why: people are OUT OF THEIR CRAZY MINDS when they pin stuff sometimes.

I think you should "pin" things you are seriously interested in, projects you might ACTUALLY do, recipes you have the time (and skill and ingredients) for, rooms in houses you could possibly afford to LIVE in, etc. Who creates an entire board dedicated to shoes, though? Oh... wait, I know about 4,000 girls who did. But who of those 4,000 has the cash flow for those SHOES?! Aren't we adults? Don't we have some bills? (No, just me? Oh, okay.) How about you pin one or two pairs of cute shoes you might actually purchase from your local Kohls (with your Kohls cash and coupons, I know you're not spending serious cash on shoes [because of those BILLS]) and NOT those designer spike heels/sky-high wedges you would never wear and can never afford. Why are people pinning things they will never buy?  Or how about the low-calorie meals? I'm sure they are delicious, but you're never gonna make rice with peanut sauce wrapped in lettuce ("only 158 calories in 3 rolls!") because you're husband is NEVER gonna accept that as an actual meal. And neither are you, sister - you will DIE OF STARVATION on 158 calories for your dinner. I SAW the 8-layer chocolate/cookie dough/ice cream cake you pinned, so who do you think you're kidding? You're not on a diet. You would immediately scarf the 8 layer cake after dying of starvation on those crazy peanut rolls. (Well, maybe not, since you'll probably never make either). Unless, of course, you plan to negate the cake by following through and doing some of those crazy excercise routines you pinned - 1) run for 5 minutes, speed 300. 2) do 65 squats with hand-weights (60 lbs). 3) Get your 8-layer cake-butt back on the treadmill, run for 5 minutes, speed 300. 4) 250 crunches. GO.  Then.... TA-DA! You will look like that INCREDIBLE (and incredibly underdressed) body you just pinned! You know, the one that has washboard abs, tones arms, lean and tan, big boobs, no freckles, no moles, no stretch marks, no hair, no cell..u..lite... wait a second. Good heavens, that picture has been photoshopped! Turns out, you actually canNOT look like that picture, in spite of the peanut wraps and the crazy workouts, and your legs would not look that incredible even if you DID drop $890 on Christian Leboutin heels (but they had hand-beaded deeeetaaaails!). Besides, you'd fall on your cake-butt if you tried to walk down the street in your overpriced footwear (that you wil nevereverever buy).


And stop pinning guys you think are so hot, I would be totally offended if I were your significant other. Would you put that poster up in your bedroom? No, it's in bad taste (like so many other ridiculous things you have pinned - bwahahaha!). And YOU would be totally offended if your significant other started pinning hot girls. In fact, you might even go on a rant about how they're all photoshopped and all that... "and don't get me started on the overpriced fashions that hot girl wears and what a crazy diet she must be on"...

In the meantime, don't be surprised if you see a completely snarky comment from me on Pinterest if you've pinned something I deem RIDICULOUS. Well, somebody had to call you ot on it, and today that somebody is ME.

You know what I do love? (see it over on my sidebar? Yeah, over there to the right?) -  it calls outprojects (primarily from Pinterest) and shows how they REALLY turn out at home. Not pretty, folks! Funny! But not pretty.


Kari and Jonathan said...

100% agree. I have a friend who's like, "you never pin anything." And I say, "That's because my pins are REAL! And not just every outfit/animal/house/hot boy/quote I see!" You forgot to mention the girls who pin a million cute wedding ideas that are ALREADY MARRIED!! What the crap? Anyway- good post :)

Kathy said...

I just got set up on pinterest. I will try my best to not pin anything ridiculous for your sake, oh and my own. I haven't wanted to do pinterest because I haven't wanted to get sucked into wasting more of my time then I already do. Anyway I agree for what it's worth. Hey guess what we got new carpet! It looks great. I should post about it. We'll see if I can get around to it.

Elsha said...

SO TRUE! I also despise the pins where the "math" is completely ridiculous. For instance a recipe for pancakes "only 65 calories!" includes an egg. Which are about 70 calories each. Plus other ingredients. Or the workout where 2 jumping jacks burns 1 calorie, so 200 a day burns 3500 a week and you'll lose a pound a week! Um, NO. That would be 700 calories a week not 3500.

You did not address my biggest pinterest pet peeve though, which is people who pin stuff that doesn't actually take you back to the source. I ALWAYS check before I repin something, because that is SO obnoxious.

Jeanette said...

You crack me up!! I hope you'll let me know if I pin something rediculos! :-

Eric and Amy said...

This post is hilarious! I've never been on pinterest but I can just imagine it from your funny rant. Ha ha!