To: Weather
Re: Your stupidness
Dear Cloudy Weather,
We would all be much obliged if you would STOP RAINING already. Spring is officially over, or did YOU not get the memo that Memorial day has come and gone? It's the MIDDLE of JUNE and my son and I would like to go to the park for once without bringing alternating outfits of sweatshirts/jeans/ponchos and shirts/t-shirts/sandals because YOU can't make up your mind. If you could kindly wrap up your moody hailstorms, my vegetable sprouts would appreciate it, too.
To: My heparin
Re: Ouch
Dear Heparin and associated paraphernalia (namely needles),
My sides are really getting tired of your prolonged stay. Your needles, though touted as "comfort assured," are most assuredly NOT comfortable while twice-daily jabbing my tender skin. Your increased dosage, as well, is creating some pretty ugly bruises and lumpy hard spots among my once-soft-and-supple muffin top, which is really just awkward. Finally, it just adds insult to injury to pay so much money for something I really dislike. Like YOU. So if you could kindly gettheheckouttahere, I'd be much obliged. Thank you.
To: The Post Office
Re: Stamps
Dear U.S. Postal Service,
REALLY?!? Rising the price of stamps AGAIN? So unnecessary, I think someone should give you a dose of your own medicine and raise the price of gas for your stupid wrong-sided mail trucks. Oh, wait -they already did. Never mind.
To: The Insurance Company
Re: Your tree-killing ways
Dear BCBS (and all insurance companies, I would suppose),
I knew it would be a little work for us to keep track of medical bills and deductibles and such, but it is really ridiculous to have to fill out one form per bill and/or receipt, equalling about 100 stupid forms already, not to mention the $50 in ink to print the stupid things. I should fill out a form to get reimbursed for the half-ream of paper we'll be using before the year is through! And why have only half of our appointments shown up as counting toward the deductible? And how am I supposed to file when you only counted HALF of our bill? And why aren't there people to do your insurance paperwork like there are to do your taxes? You've already shown your aptitude for giving the run-around (it seems to be a highly refined talent of yours), so it's gonna be a LONG YEAR if you keep this up. Basically, if you could just ADMIT ALREADY that we've met our deductible and pay the rest like you promised to, that would be GREAT. Meanwhile, I'll be billing you for the 10 bottles of aspirin for my paperwork headaches.
To: Cinnamon Toast Crunch
Re: My undying love for you
Let's go drown our woes in more cinnamon-y milk, shall we?
3 comments:
I'm not a big fan of insurance companies in general, but it sounds like yours is especially bad. The only time I've had to deal with my insurance company (at all really) is after Kalena was born. The hospital/her pediatrician billed the insurance company for a bunch of stuff before I'd called and added her as a dependent (which is my own fault really- I didn't call until I was back from maternity leave) so I had to call every time we got a new bill so that the insurance company would reprocess the claim. Even that wasn't paper work-- I could do it all over the phone.
You crack me up. Sorry, but I think we have all your sunshine. We are having the best June ever! I feel for you because we take coats/hats....to the park 9 months out of the year here.
Mmmmm, cinnamon toast crunch. :) Watch out thought because my doc told me to lay off the cereal if I didn't want to be an elephant by the end of this pregnancy. :( That was a definate mood killer. She said just to look for cereals under 22 grams of carbs, and more fiber.
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