Bold and the Beautiul: Part 4

TILE!

Did I say I'd post about this tomorrow? I meant today, since I forgot to "schedule" when I posted. Oh well.

Joe worked super hard for 2 days taming the tile monster. It was noisy from the tile saw and all the swearing, tiles were being cut and/or broken right and left! 12"x24" tiles, not some cheap 6x6 thing, so it was extremely frustrating at some points. He persevered and now it's up! It's beautiful! It's... still not quite complete, as you can see.

The top and bottom row need to be put in, but there were some scheduling issues... He wants the shower pan tile down before the wall tiles, so as the water runs down the wall it will go over the basin tile; if he laid the wall tile first the water would run down under the basin tile and possibly cause a failure. If nothing else, bad design. BUT. He only has a few days at a time and if he laid the basin tile he would have to wait a few days for it to cure enough for him to stand and work on (and probably drip lots of mortar and muck on), so his days would be wasted waiting for the basin to dry rather than getting things done. I call Joe "Mr. Miralax" because, as he likes to say, he "makes sh*t happen."


 
 
 
 
 
 
 


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His Needs, Her Needs, House Needs

Watch out, this could be a long one…

Normally when Joe and I have a project going we work together. I love painting side-by-side, he needs a helping hand to hold the crown moulding, and spending a few hours browsing our local Lowe's or Home Depot together is time we enjoy together! But this project is DIFFERENT.

It all started when we realized the bathroom is really too small for both of us to fit in at the same time, particularly while swinging a hammer. Only one of us could work at a time, and that one often needed to be Joe. Heavy lifting? Joe. Electrical work? Joe. New plumbing? Joe. Even if previous projects had similar aspects that were just Joe I would sit nearby and we'd chat and dream up new house ideas or something. Well, there isn't even any room to sit and chat now so I might as well make myself useful somewhere else. You know what's really useful to a guy working hard on home renovation? A hot meal! You know what has to be done after a hot meal? Dishes! And how about all those clothes that get grimy and sweaty from his construction? Laundry! And what does a guy want after working in a dirty, cramped space? A clean house to relax in! So my part of the bathroom renovation has been to settle into an even-more-domestic-than-usual role.

Let's talk domesticity.  My mom had us do some chores around the house growing up, but mostly she bore the brunt of housework. I didn't touch a load of laundry until I went to college - not to sort, wash, dry, fold, or put away. The laundry fairy did it, and she sure was amazing at her job! Same with the dishes fairy (even though that fairy tried hard to convince us she didn't exist). We had to mow the lawn and occasionally sweep or vacuum, and I enjoyed helping with dinner, though it certainly wasn't required. I absolutely loved and admired all the hard work my mom did for our family, and I was very gratefully I didn't have to do it myself! Instead, I worked on playing piano, working my way through our library, practicing for softball or swimming, getting up to my elbows in an art project, and spending many long and creative hours with my sisters and friends playing games/making forts/taking pictures.  All the mundane things my mom did allowed me the freedom to do much COOLER and more FUN things - because that's a mom's job!

Well crap. Now I am a mom. Now that is my job. There is SO MUCH laundry, cooking, and cleaning to be done I find it difficult to catch a significant chunk of time for my own pursuits. I have a little time here (quiet time in the afternoon, if Ethan's asleep) and a little time there (bedtime, if it doesn't require me to get out of my seat every 5 minutes for a glass of water or a lecture about saying in bed), but mostly my time is dedicated to "mom's jobs."  At the beginning of our marriage this wasn't a thing. Chores and cooking were light and were divided pretty evenly, but of course when kids enter the picture marriages and roles get turned on their head. The more kids I had, the more you I got up on your head, and now I feel like I am in a nearly complete headstand - I'm fine, everything's ok, but it's quite an adjustment to being right-side-up! And it's not an adjustment that came easily, believe you me. If you read my blog, you believe me already. No, no, it's taken 7 years and 4 children for me to become a decent housekeeper. Let's examine that, shall we?

I hate keeping house. I love having my house kept, but doing it is such a drag! Trouble is I don't want Joe to do it. Don't get me wrong, he's a handy guy with a broom or some windex and it's his house too so he should help out, but I feel terribly guilty if he has to clean, it feels like I've been failing at my job. I stay home, home IS my job. This became a big issue when we lived in Thornton because A) I was nearly always pregnant, which means always exhausted and sleepy, B) we moved at an incredibly slow pace on home projects due to a severe lack of time and funds, and keeping the house neat around construction is a whole different ball of wax, and C) I was just plain not as good at keeping house. I did not want to accept that it all fell on me, I wanted a magical solution to appear where I could get the house clean and cute and de-cluttered and still take a nap.  Plus, Joe worked super-long hours so I figured if the house was a mess he'd only see it about 2 hours a day. NOW, though, times have changed. Oh, the times have changed SO MUCH for the better and Joe is home SO MUCH… which means the house needs to be clean and STAY clean because Joe is actually here to see it! Yipes! This is a big deal because Domestic Support is one of Joe's top 5 needs, as outlined in "His Needs, Her Needs"  by Willard F. Harley, Jr.

I absolutely love relationship books. I love trying to learn how to make my relationship better before something happens to make it get worse, like a little 72-hour Relationship Kit when an unexpected storm blow in. Luckily, I was reading "His Needs, Her Needs" after our big issue and a storm blew in. I re-read my old posts just last week because I was looking for the one about re-doing our bathroom and I got sucked in with memories… and I hadn't really remembered (though I did as clear as day once I read it) that Joe confessed to his pregnant-with-his-third-child wife that he didn't feel like they were in love anymore, and then his pregnant & hormonal wife did not panic - because this book was that dang good! After re-reading that post I knew I had to re-read the book, and this time to do it WITH Joe (who is now VERY much in love with me, thankyouverymmuch). So we were reading it together, trying to decide which of the 10 emotional needs we rate as most important to us individually - there's "admiration, affection, conversation, domestic support, family commitment, financial support, honesty and openness, physical attractiveness, recreational companionship, and sexual fulfillment" (Harley, Jr. "His Needs, Her Needs," 2004. Page 18). To get a better idea of what some of those categories comprise we were reading their summaries in the index, so I read domestic support - we vaguely thought it was probably not important, only rated with people who were superficial.  Joe even declared, "Pshhhht!" when I came to the topic, like he was *so above that.*  He's a man of the present, not the past - he cooks REALLY well, he takes the kids and goes grocery shopping, if he desperately needs a shirt ironed he does it himself - but as we read the description it was like reading our own personal history!

"Newlyweds commonly wash dishes together, make the bed together, and divide many household tasks… At this point in marriage, neither of them would identify domestic support as an important emotional need.  But the time bomb is ticking. When does the need for domestic support explode? When the children arrive! Children create huge needs - both a greater need for income and greater domestic responsibilities" (Harley, Jr. "His Needs, Her Needs," 2004. Page 192-193).
"Domestic Support includes cooking meals, washing and ironing clothes, cleaning house, and child care.  If you feel very fulfilled when your spouse does these things, and very annoyed (that's Joe!) when they are not done, you have the need for domestic support" (Harley, Jr. "His Needs, Her Needs," 2004. Page 192)

We laughed out loud and immediately ranked Domestic Support right up there in his top 5! He and I both agreed that we feel more in love now than we were when we lived in Thornton, and we both credit "the job change that saved our marriage." I am more able and willing to provide the things he needs (like domestic support) when he is able to give me things that I need (like family commitment). Bonus on the financial support, his increased salary has made our lives 1,000 times easier. This hasn't made me like housework, but it has given me much more of a purpose in doing it. I always knew Joe (and I) would rather live in a clean house than a dirty one, but I'd also rather have a pedicure and a extra-long nap at least once a week, and that's just not always in the stars. But when I'm doing it specifically for my spouse so he feels fulfilled rather than annoyed, and I know that my spouse is working equally hard to keep me happy in my own personal areas, well... it's a good thing. I'll clean to that!

So while Joe works on the bathroom I work on the house because His Need is to be taken care of, Her Need is to have him around, and the House Needs two fulfilled people to get it put back together. More on that progress tomorrow...

Meanwhile, I highly recommend the book! Fix existing problems, avoid future problems, and meanwhile get your fix of an interesting and enlightening read.

Bold and the Beautiful: Part 3

Joe keeps plugging away! I continue to be amazed. 

This week he hung drywall on the walls

and on the ceiling. You can see here the heating vent and the downspout for the shower head poking through the drywall. Joe must have done some serious measuring because usually he measures carefully, cuts carefully, brings the piece in, cusses profusely, re-measures, re-cuts, brings the piece back in, cusses more profusely, and possibly ends up damaging the piece and putting it back together in a non-approved way. Not THIS time! One cut, one installation, one happy Joe, and good looking ceiling.

 The good-looking can light

 He wired in the light last week, here he officially placed the switch box and got the wall up around it.

 Cement board is much harder, and much harder to work with, than drywall, so cutting out multiple holes for the shower valve, outlet, sink drain, hot and cold supply lines, and various angles for the shower curb and wall ledge made this a tricky job… and Joe NAILED IT! Simply amazing. Nice shower basin, too, huh? It's all poured in and sloped and ready for tile! Simply amazing x2.

 Here's what the "tile" looks like. We chose a modern pebble design for the shower basin. Since the shower is small there are lots of angles on the slope from the edges down to the ddrain so we would need small tiles, like mosaic tiles, to accommodate  - but this pebble tile is about the same price per square foot as mosaic tile and (we think) even cooler. Since the basin is open to the rest of the bathroom you'll be able to see it all the time, so the cooler the better!

 A very small compilation of the finishes we chose - large 12x24 wall tiles in "silver" with a layered sandstone look, the pebbled shower floor, and luxury vinyl floor planks for the floor in black oak. Will the floor be dark? Yes. Will it be amazing? YES.

Now imagine that $20 Kohler sink mounted to the awesome tile wall like it's floating… and you've got an idea of how great this bathroom's gonna be by the end of the month! And I say "the end of the month" with an air of confidence because Joe is KILLING IT with this project. More thoughts later on my supporting role in this endeavor...

Life if like shopping at ARC - you never know what you're gonna get

I went browsing ARC before Halloween - it's where we got Caroline's Halloween costume, I picked up a couple materials for some homemade gifts, and while browsing for a small shelf to hold my piano music I came across THIS:

 

It's a KOHLER sink! No chips, no cracks, and EXACTLY what we had been looking for! We saw one just like it at Lowe's as a set with the stand (couldn't buy the top separately) for $284. LOVED it, but you know… hard to spend $300 on a sink. 

I wasn't searching for a sink at all - in fact, I've never even SEEN a sink at ARC, so I was really surprised! I think it happened because the Re-Store (which sells salvaged home parts like sinks) is remodeling and not taking donations right now, and ARC is just up the road, so people dropped their salvaged sinks there instead. Well, Kohler is an expensive brand so I was trying REALLY hard not to get my hopes up… I thought it was probably priced for re-sale from $60-$80, but sometimes ARC gets surprisingly high on their horse so it could be even MORE...

Ooooooh, YEAH. $19.99 baby! SOLD to the lady with a cart full of kids and Halloween costumes.

Birthday #4

Eli turned 4 today! If I remember correctly, almost at exactly the same time of day as I'm writing this… but my brain doesn't function as well as it used to before 4 kids, so I could be completely wrong. Mom brain stinks.

Anyway, Eli was adamant that he wanted his cousins Kalena and Will to be at his party, but they are not coming to Pueblo for another 4 weeks. Eli actually suggested he wait 4 weeks to have a party - amazing patience for so young a kid! Of course, last night at 8 pm he had changed his mind and DEFINITELY wanted a party today, but tough luck. Although there was no official party we DID open presents as a family after breakfast (Joe is working 11 a.m. - 1 a.m. so we had to do it early) and the kids have been enjoying the gifts ever since! From Joe and I he got a remote controlled Monster truck - I gave him the birthday pass on taking turns, he wasn't required to share his truck on his birthday (but he did anyway because Patrick's a smooth talker and Eli's a nice kid).

 Trying it out through the long unmowed grass and leaves

 Tackling the garden wall

 Tackling Eli's foot

 Tackling the hose

 Finally I made the kids take a break and get dressed so we could go in the front. Tackling a leaf pile.

 Seeing if it will go while Eli picks it up.

Back to tackling the leaf pile. It has front and rear suspension so it tackled everything really well… EXCEPT the leaves. The wheels just spin and dig it in deeper. 

So… about Eli at 4 years old! He is pretty crazy. For one, he's crazy huge - he weighs in at about 55 pounds and is nearly as tall as Patrick at about 46 inches (we'll get official stats at his 4-year checkup next week). We feed him lots of healthy food - low-fat milk and yogurt, lots of fruit, some veggies (I'm terrible about veggies in general so you can't expect me to become amazing when it comes to my kids), plenty of sugar-free juice and RARELY any soda, whole-wheat bread, lean meats like chicken and pork (which he just chews up and spits out)… but he is a garbage disposal. He'll eat his whole lunch, eat his siblings' leftovers, then ask if he can have some more. ANYTHING more, it's not like he's digging for dessert even! We went to a wedding and he was hungry waiting for dinner to be served so he chowed down on 4ths of carrot and celery sticks from the snack trays. There's no stopping his eating, only holding it off for a minute or two. Thanks to that we've gotten to the point where Patrick wears Eli's hand-me-downs. Honestly, this reminds me A LOT of myself with my sister when we were kids. I was tallest and stockiest (though perhaps not as stocky as Eli) so while it took the 2 of them working together to give me a horsey ride, I would give the 2 of them a ride simultaneously. And they got my hand-me-downs, even though I'm not the oldest. 

But back to Eli. He is also crazy physical, as he always has been. If any of his siblings happens past - on the stairs, in the bathroom, in the living room - he will tackle them. It starts with a nice hugs, moves to leaning way into them and bending at the waist, ends with Eli on top wrestling while some poor soul wails with what breath they have left after being squashed, "Mom, help! Eli's wrestling me again!" No matter how many times we talk to him and remind him not everybody wants to be wrestled every time you see them, it falls on deaf ears.

He also has crazy deaf ears. He's not deaf, but he talks like he's trying to speak to someone who's very hard of hearing. There are 2 volumes on Eli: loud and louder. At 3:30 in the morning he came in and seriously yelled, "Mo-om, I can't find my water bottle in my room." HE-llo! The house was perfectly still, I could hear a whisper no matter how quiet, but yelling made me jump out of my skin! Awful. We have to remind him repeatedly every day that he needs to hush his mouth/quiet down/whisper/shut up because when Eli's around you're liable to wake the dead.

He's a crazy bad listener. Notice how we have to remind him about wrestling and toning down the volume… well, we've been reminding him of those things every day for about 2 years, to no avail. He is who he is, and obviously WE are not going to change it. 

Lastly, he's a crazy good kid. In spite of it all I just love him to death, even when he's ridiculous. He still has a somewhat babyish way of saying some words - I love it, and on the one hand I don't want it to stop (don't grow up!) but now that he's 4, I believe it's stopped being cute and started being a speech impediment. I know our neighbor has 2 boys (ages 5 and 7) that both have some speech delays and it's definitely NOT cute. So we work with Eli at random points through the day, having him mimic making "TH" and "R" and "F" sounds so he can say "three" instead of "fwee" and "Patrick" instead of "Patswick."  I die a little inside as my kids grow up, and I will surely miss Eli being afraid of "tomatoes" (tornadoes), biting his "lung" (tongue), and explaining "bu-cept" (but except, a longer version of "except," as in "I wanted a yellow plate bucept they're in the dishwasher"). It took about 3 years but he finally got over his aversion to snuggling and now he loves to be held and hugged and snuggled to bed, so it's nice to finally get a piece of my Ooly-Kadooly. 

Happy birthday, big guy!

What were you?

Happy Halloween! We were: a dinosaur (that's now 3 out of 4 years, his choice), a baby (the pacifier was in my pocket), a magician (nope, no top hat), a witch (I love her candy cauldron!), and a pirate (holding the sword in his other hand).

 Eli didn't have any pirate-looking shoes, so he chose snow boots - he's starting a new brand of arctic pirates. The striped shirt was actually mine! I even wore it the day before; he's a BIG DUDE. I stayed true to tradition and made Ethan's cape the night before Halloween. If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done!

 Abracadabra, alacazam... PRESTO! A ridiculously cute (and cheap) Halloween toddler.  Before we left for the Halloween party, I filled in his mustache gaps with permanent marker... am I a bad mom or just dedicated to a good costume?

Wreath

I would include this project in my "Pinned There, Done That" category, but I'm not actually sure I pinned it... I think I had to stop pinning wreaths. As I've stated, I like to pin things I plan can do, not just things I dream about or drool over, and if I made all the wreaths I dreamed about and drooled over... my attic would explode. BUT. There were some super-cute tutu wreaths I saw, mostly springy or birthday themes, but I realized I am shockingly low on Halloween decorations and my sister had some black tulle, soooooo....

 I made it! I at least made one super-cute wreath.

It's hard to see the fun play of smooth round wreath-form surrounded my exploding tulle when it's straight black, so this angle gets it a bit better.

Simple chipboard letters from Hobby Lobby, painted orange and hot glued on. Then I went old-school and busted out a toothbrush and black paint and speckled it. It reminded me of a shelf I decorated with my friend in middle school, we splatter painted with toothbrushes on that bad-boy, too.

All in all, happy I stopped pinned and started working! I've done a few more pinned projects since then but they need to remain surprises since Christmas is only about 9 weeks away (YIPES).