Guys, Ethan is disgusting.
Yeah, he was gross when he was born, but this isn't about that. Now he continues to gross me out every day in sundry and exciting ways! Every day, without fail, he will poop on me. As a seasoned veteran in the diaper wars you'd think I would be so swift and stealthy I would never get fecal matter on me, but no. Either as I whisk away the old diaper and swoop in the fresh on he will let it fly (he's super-gassy so it's jet-propelled and actually flies, through the air) so my hand is between him and the diaper, or else he'll just poop so much or so forcefully that he has a blowout and it soaks through his clothes onto me. Not awesome. If it's not poop, it's pee! He feels very *inspired* in the fresh air and pees all over the place - his clothes, me, the blankets, and four times now he has peed on his own face. His own face! That's disgusting. It's it's not poop OR pee, it's spit-up. I've had a touch of spit-up here or there, but none of my other kids were very spitty, so I am totally unprepared for the white, chunky deluge that hits me every time I burp him. Or carry him in the crook of my arm facing me. Or carry him facing forward so the chunks hit my pants and my toes and the floor. It is just ridiculous how much and how often he spits up! And now it's ridiculous how complacent I am about having spit-up crust in my hair. "Eh, still good! After all, he's only going to do it again in 20 minutes." So I find myself, one way or another, constantly wet for being around him.
There you have it. Babies are gross. Ethan happens to be the grossest.