Mommy's Little Helper

Oh, man, where to start...

Parenting is so tough sometimes. When it's good you are on top of the world, loving your kids, enjoying the moments, and thinking that THIS IS IT. This is the meaning of life. This is AWESOME. And then when it's bad you can't believe that this is your life. You are overworked and under-appreciated and it has only just begun. This is AWFUL. What a dichotomy, all from vaguely similar scenarios!  Same house, same kids, same schedule, so why does it feel so different sometimes? The unbalance in the situation seemed to be, more often than not, ME.

Cut to my sister Kari. Kari is as die-hard of a friend and sister as you'll ever find, which is always heartwarming and sometimes hilarious!  Like when she started a conversation, "So I was talking to my gynecologist about you..." WHAT?! You were what? But the conversation continued, "I was asking her if maybe you should switch birth control because I know you have really bad PMS and maybe some different hormones could help." Yeah, I had to admit, I really DO have terrible PMS. Since we hang out every day she sees me in the trenches and hears stories about me being all crazy with my kids and husband during that time, and she always sympathizes with me, but I had no idea it had her thinking or worried about it... So she continued, "My doctor said, 'oh yeah, that's super common, I usually have women take a Prozac before their periods to help with PMS.'" I was shocked! Super common? People complain about PMS to medical professionals, not just their sister? I was intrigued, and kept thinking about it.

Cut to my Bad Mothering Memories. Everyone has bad days, sure, but I can positively identify which week of the month I had PMS based on the number of horror stories about how I acted toward my family. I spanked my kid because they used too much soap in the bathtub. I gave Caroline a cold shower because she covered herself in lotion. I let loose a string of expletives at bedtime because my kids weren't getting the pajamas on fast enough. Some days were better; some were worse. SERIOUSLY?! Okay, maybe the kids were annoying, but even while I was losing my mind I knew I should not be losing my mind. In the end I would apologize to the kids, talk through why I went nuts, but it became so common I gave myself a nickname: Monster Mom. I would warn the kids in the morning that I had zero patience and I needed lots of alone time and they needed to give me extra help on those days, but still I would have meltdowns. More than once I ended up sobbing to my 5-year-old while he patted my shoulder and consoled me... and shouldn't it be the other way around? I'm sure he was looking across the room to Eli with wide eyes, mouthing "mom is insaaaaaane!" If I wasn't acting insane, I was feeling depressed. I just couldn't believe that this was my lot, 4 kids ruining my life, and I resented it like the day is long. And then, one day, PMS would be over and I loved the world again, being a mom felt like an amazing gift, my kids were cute and funny, and I could not imagine why I had felt (and acted) so absolutely AWFUL the week prior.

Cut to my own Doctor's appointment. I was there to get some moles removed, and it's always fun and awkward as you lay there and make small talk and try not to look at whatever minor medical procedure is being performed on you (I can't even watch when I get blood drawn), so I brought up the conversation about PMS and Prozac. As we talked I mentioned Monster Mom and how regularly she shows up (and then disappears) from my life. The good Doctor said it sounded like I experience PMDD, Pre Menstrual Dysmorphic Dysorder. Mayoclinic.com described it as such:

In both PMDD and PMS, symptoms usually begin seven to 10 days before your period starts and continue for the first few days that you have your period. Both PMDD and PMS may also cause bloating, fatigue, and changes in sleep and eating habits. In PMDD, however, at least one of these emotional and behavioral symptoms stands out:

• Sadness or hopelessness
• Anxiety or tension
• Extreme moodiness
• Marked irritability or anger

Wait, sadness like resenting my life? Anger like screaming and getting physical with my kids? Extreme moodiness like sobbing on my 5-year-old after freaking out over nothing? That all sounded so familiar...

Cut to NOW. I have a prescription for Prozac to take for 8 days during PMS (or PMDD).  Other options to treat PMDD include birth control pills, which I can't take due to blood clotting disorders; nutritional supplements, especially B vitamins, which I already take; and diet and lifestyle changes, which are already under control as I enjoy going to the gym and I maintain a healthy body weight.  I've taken it for 2 months now and I am OVER THE MOON with the results! I had figured PMS was part of life, Monster Mom was something my kids would have to learn to deal with each month, and being an emotional train wreck was part of "for better or for worse" that Joe had signed up for. WELL. I'm not perfect on the timing yet, but last month I was having a really wretched morning - Joe was being unbelievably insensitive and the kids were pulling at the frayed ends of my last nerve! When Joe said, "jeez, PMS much?" I got defensive for 2 seconds, then looked at the calendar and realized YES, it WAS PMS much. Time for Mommy's Little Helper. By dinner it was smooth sailing on calm seas and I felt incredibly blessed. Blessed to have 4 wonderful kids who make mistakes, but we can handle it. Blessed to have a wonderful husband who makes me laugh but who is not laughing at me or being a jerk. Blessed that my lot in life is to be home and do the VERY important work of raising children to be good human beings but not to slave away in the drudgery of being their maid. Blessed that my sister cared about me to be concerned about me and try to find a way to make my life better. Blessed by modern medicine to have a way to do that. That was WAY different than how I would have felt if the day had progressed without any intervention, so I felt blessed Joe saw through my mood swing and we could nip it in the bud. 

I had PMS before having kids of course, and I even remember some crazy emotional roller coasters because of it (I once broke up with a guy because he didn't call me  at 3:00 like he said he would), but did it get worse after having kids? Or do I have the same amount of PMS but having 4 kids on top of it is a ridiculous combination? There are stress and anger management issues buried in there somewhere so I am not ignoring them and thinking medicine is a magical answer, but for where I am right now it is a lifesaver. A relationship saver. A helper when I could use help more than ever. The reason I wrote this post is in case anyone (you?) reads it and has had similar experiences, gets crazy moody and Monster-y, they know it's not just them. I would never have talked to my doctor, it took my sister to tune me in. Maybe you wouldn't talk to your doctor either, but now I've tuned you in, too. Maybe one long post can help one other person, so my time will be well spent. 

The End. 

It's the thought

Patrick gave the perfect example of "it's the thought that counts" today.  The three younger kids were napping at the same time (just shy of a miracle) and I was reading a new novel, Dragon Riders, to Patrick.  Getting drowsier by the minute, I finally had to quit and asked Patrick to play quietly while I caught a quick rest. He happily obliged since we have a fresh batch of play-doh and bought a new coloring book yesterday, and I zonked out within seconds. Snuggled in on the couch, I woke up to a small crash from the kitchen, but fell back asleep when Patrick said it was fine (definitely nothing broke during the crash, so whatever it was could be cleaned up later anyway). I was woken up a few minutes later to a much bigger crash from the kitchen and drowsily croaked, "C'mon, Patrick, REALLY?"  He came over very upset because the big crash was a full glass of chocolate milk that he had made me, complete with 3 marshmallows! I was very glad I hadn't yelled at him!
Me: "Why did the milk spill? Weren't you holding on to it?"
Patrick: "It spilled because it was on a plate (sob!)"
Me: "Well, next time hold on with two hands, don't put it on a plate."
Patrick (wiping tears): "But it's okay, mom (stifle sob) because the sandwich is still good!"
Patrick had thought I might be hungry so he made me a surprise snack of a Nutella-and-jelly sandwich with a glass of chocolate milk and marshmallows, which I could eat when I woke up! The reality is that marshmallows are gross, I was so out of milk he was using the last of the gallon I had borrowed from Kari (and then spilled on the floor anyway), Nutella is better without jelly, and I would rather enjoy my nap than wake up to eat ANYTHING....

... but SERIOUSLY, it is the thought that counts. That was SO THOUGHTFUL! All I could do was hug him so hard he couldn't really breathe. Then Caroline woke up from her nap and ate the sandwich and all was right in the world.

Biker Dude

Drive it 'til the wheels fall off... that's a pretty common phrase, though it rarely actually happens. Tonight Eli RODE it until the wheels fell off - one of his training wheels went rolling away mid-ride! It was dead from overuse. Joe took the opportunity to remove both wheels and get him started riding on (officially) TWO WHEELS. Big day!

Schooooooooool!

Patrick started school on August 26th and I experienced a HUGE parenting fail and didn't take any pictures! When we dropped him off I had forgotten the camera at home, when we picked him up my camera didn't have its SD card... well, whoops. So on Back-to-school night it so happened that he wore exactly what he'd worn on the first day and I took advantage and got a few snap. One, outside his school, the second at his table holding some of his work from the week. 

 

 

More recently, Eli and Caroline started preschool! I've done Joy School, a home preschool, with Patrick and Eli for the last 2 years, and this year we're continuing a home preschool group, but using the Mother Goose curriculum. We loved Joy school, the songs and stories and purpose to help children love learning, we just got tired of printing out our lessons :) Here are the kiddos, so proud in their backpacks! We actually bought the backpacks a long time ago so they could pack toys for long trips, but this works too.



 This is our preschool group, plus Ethan. He walks, but he's not quite ready for school yet :)

Caroline is excited for school anyway, but the real reason I HAD to put her in preschool is because I would never hear the end of it if her best friends, Eli and her cousin Amelia, were at school without her!

He walks! He talks!

Ok, he BABBLES, he doesn't really talk... but he DOES walk. He put some get up and go into his routine and went from taking only 2 steps at a time just 2 days ago, to walking across the entire room today.  Hooray, Ethan, hooray!

New Neighbors

I mentioned it a while ago, but Kari & Jonathan bought the house across the street! We just couldn't get enough of each, it was an arduous 4-minute drive, so we took it to the next level, and now their home is a stone's throw away - literally; I could definitely break some windows from my front porch.

Me at my mailbox, Kari by hers. Hi, Kari!

 

 As it is, my baby monitor reaches across the street so I'm able to lay Ethan down for a nap, cross the street to hang out, and then throw rocks at him when I hear him wake up! The new house is an awesome situation for them for a number of reasons - slightly more square footage, nice big & updated kitchen, 4 bedrooms, more open layout for entertaining & keeping track of kids, excellent price translating to lower mortgage, and COOL NEIGHBORS. Truth be told, though, the neighbors (those darn Jacobs!) were one of the biggest drawbacks - just how sick of each other will we become? It's only been 10 days, but so far the answer is "not at all!" I love love LOVE being able to waltz across the street to borrow, or return, something (I've already lost count of how many time's I've done this. It's in the hundreds); my kids love love LOVE being able to waltz over to play, even if it's only for a few minutes; Amelia love love LOVES to waltz over here for a popsicle and then head back home (I'm being used!); and we've already used each other a few times in a pinch to watch kids for an errand or emergency where we would have previously just toughed it out. We're also trying out a new "less-cooking, less-chaos" arrangement where twice a week, one night each, we double our dinner and cook for both families while the other person watches the kids! I'm very excited about it, it's nice to not have to cook dinner but equally nice to cook a nice dinner without kids around. Our second plan to put into place is door signs we can hang up when we want to be unavailable, because there are certainly those times, and then the kids can see before they even head out the door that their cousins are unavailable due to naps, cranky days, quiet time, etc. So that's our new life, our new neighbors, and a whole new level of awesomeness.

Caro-lee-aroline

Caroline has been cracking me up lately!

Ethan had about 7-10 days of AWFUL diapers, just runny and messy and he'd poop about 5 times a day and EVERY poop was a blow-out.... it got old. REAL old. Joe was particularly frustrated one morning after a 16 hours of work and one very messy blow-out the minute he got home, so he put Ethan in the bath to clean it up. Not a big deal, except Ethan takes baths on his own terms - you do NOT get him wet, he'll scream. You do NOT make him sit down, he'll scream. You do NOT try to scrub him down, he'll scream. Joe, of course, was doing all three trying to get the poop off so Ethan was screaming bloody murder, which added to the frustration and mayhem.  Caroline kept trying to get up in the action but was ordered out of the bathroom, in tears. Finally, bath time over, I took Ethan to get dried and dressed and Caroline came over and crouched low to look Ethan in the face. She sincerely proclaimed, "Ethan! I was so worried about you!"  She was so sincere, she said it twice! I laughed because I was unaware that 2-year-olds actually worried about things, especially not their younger brothers. Very funny!

Caroline calls poop "stink," because it's a term we use about poopy diapers, as in, "did you put a stink in your diaper?" She translated it to a verb so instead of "going poop" she "goes stink," and "pooping" is "stinking." When she is "going stink" she's very particular about her privacy, so I'm not allowed in the room until she needs a wipe. One afternoon she'd told me she she needed to stink, so I just sat down in the hall outside the bathroom and waited. In the end it was a false alarm so she came out of the bathroom and found me seated in the hall. She warmly exclaimed, "you found me!" and then gave me a big hug and said, "you're my whole life!" Awwww! I told her she's my whole life, too. It was the only decent thing to say.

She still loves to sing her bedtime songs, the typical trio being "twinkle, twinkle," "I am a child of God," and "All through the night." She's been mixing it up lately, though, and one night she sang "twinkle, twinkle" to the tune of "all through the night" and had me sing the real words of "all through the night" at the same time - it was a pretty cool mash-up! And I can't believe my 2-year-old is making mash-ups!  When she sings "Child of God" she mixes the words up a bit, but they still work - "I am a child of God, and peace attend me here..." (instead of "and He has sent me here").

She loves to play baby dolls with her cousins, but sometimes we're short on "babies." Like sippy cups partly full of milk, baby dolls seem to disappear for inordinate amounts of time under couches and in other sundry hiding places. The girls make do with stuffed animals, but Caroline's go-to animal is this big crocodile that Patrick and Eli got a few Christmases ago - it's green, rubbery, and about 20 inches long, but she's convinced it is HER crocodile and she swaddles it up and lays it down for a nap like a good baby. It's name is Crocadilla (another Wild Kratts episode). I guess being in the middle of a brother sandwich leaves deep impressions.

Caroline can get shy around other people, but when I'm around she deals with it by demanding my attention. Not in a loud, acting out way - she wants me to pick her up, then she takes my face in her hands and says, "look at me." She holds me so we're nose-to-nose and eye-to-eye so I can't give my attention to any of those weird strangers, and if I even slightly turn my head she reminds me, "look at me." It's so strange, it cracks me up every time! While I'm there, though, I get a good look at her face and I think she's a very pretty girl, she has very lovely eyes. Since most of the time I'm shooing her off, it's a nice (and funny) change of be quiet and close together.

And that's Caroline.